It's Okay

What was supposed to originate as a productive study night has turned into a reflection on my life. I guess Forensic Psychology can wait, right?

Lately, I've been forced to think about my future and what I want to do with myself after graduation. You're probably saying, "but Jacob, you're only a junior in college, you have plenty of time." But for those of you who know me well, I am a perfectionist, and as much as it screws me over time and time again, it's the truth.

I recently finished my State Department internship application. I think an internship with State is what I want the most in life right now. It's something that's kept me on track this semester and something that could advance my future career immensely. With that said, I've also been much more cautious about my actions. I've tried to make my actions as in line with a good State Department intern as much as possible....but I also like to have a good time with my friends, and sometimes that doesn't mix well.

This weekend was a bit too much fun, if that's possible. It left me feeling conflicted and entirely confused, which has lead me to this current state of thought. But after some self-reflection and talking to an amazing friend (who will hopefully guest blog here soon), I've come to a realization: it's okay.

I had one un-modest night. Okay. It doesn't change all the awesome stuff I've been doing. I'm going to China to intern next semester, and okay, I had one night of less than acceptable acts. Alright. It's okay. I can't stress over it. It happened. And now I'll learn from it. I have to focus on the good in my life right now or I'm going to miss it. By the time I stop stressing about my one indecent night, I'll be home from China and wonder what the hell I've been doing fretting about it for the past six months.

I'm sure the president had a Pint Summit or whatever the hell he called it where they drank pints of beer and discussed politics. And I'm pretty sure that Nancy Pelosi has slept with her husband, considering she's popped out some kids. And I'm pretty sure that people do exactly the same stuff that I've done. And it's not anything to be ashamed of or get upset over because guess what? I wasn't on the job. I can be a stellar intern and have exactly the position I want and it won't matter what I do off the clock. That doesn't affect who I am as an employee.

Unwinding made me feel like I was slacking, even though it's what I absolutely needed to balance the recent stress in my life.

My advice (okay, really my friend Sarah's advice) to everyone reading this, along with myself: Make a list. Write down everything you want to do in life, with academics, everything. And then put it in an envelope and hide it away. And just live life.At the end of next semester, look at it. And just cross things off. It's time to just breathe and relax and do what you want. You're doing an amazing job. Just have faith in that.

"It is necessary to the happiness of man that he be mentally faithful to himself."
-Thomas Paine